Thursday, January 31, 2013

d-day, i meannnn, v-day

i'm here to speak on behalf of all the women out there who AREN'T single, but still have strong hate feelings for valentine's day. ladies who are in a relationship/taken/dating/its complicated/married/in love/romantically involved/have friends with benefits, etc .... are you with me? no?

i might be alone in that i'm a twenty-something female who is in a wonderful, committed relationship, yet still gets nauseous before and on valentine's day. we are about 14 days out and i'm already thinking about it. does that make me a hater, or secretly like every other women my age who adores it? i really don't know. all i know is that valentines day, or "d-day", makes me wince and sweat. i don't like wrinkles and i hate sweating.

between the holidays, anniversaries and birthdays, valentine's just day seems so blahhh. in my opinion the creativity involved by both parties on valentines day has become predictable and unnecessarily stressful. i look back on my simply amazing relationship and, not once, do i think "man, v-day 09' was the most romantic day ever." in fact, i can barely remember what i did last valentine's day...

oh wait, yes i do. he got me an amazing ring of which i left at my gym. i bought another one myself because i felt so guilty (only a small ridiculous fortune). then that one broke. then i lost the gift card of money from my return, not once, but twice. i STILL have yet to spend the money i have on the third gift card. valentine's day is dead to me.

i guess my point is... if you're going to celebrate v-day with friends or a significant other at least give them something to remember it by.
  • don't schedule plans on v-day. catch 'em by surprise before or even wait til after. (warning: this might provoke a fight from your significant other.)
  • skip the jewelry, flowers, chocolate, cards and fancy dinners. that's not what every day looks like for you anyway (if it is, you need to learn what sweatpants and half gallons of ice cream are). think more intimate, more "you."
  • don't you dare let your partner do all of the work and get mad cause its not what you "really wanted." if you want something, tell them. or plan it yourself. no one reads minds (although some times i really believe my mom does). 
  • ladies. buy your own "diamonds." it feels so good spending your money on something special. plus you'll get to say "hell, no. i bought this for myself!" when someone asks you if your significant other got it for you. and let me tell you, that feels awesome.
have fun. money, diamonds, roses, food, late bills, credit cards and sweaty armpits aside you should be having fun with this person. remember, they've seen you sleep, when your fat/skinny, ugly cry, be a couch potato, land a new job, lose a loved one, curse, smile, laugh, drunk, etc. some things are MUCH WORSE/BETTER than valentine's day.

Friday, January 4, 2013

less is more

i resolve to recite the following mantra for the next 361 days: less is more.

i have a nasty habit of looking ten days ahead of the one i'm currently living. i admittedly get excited every time apple releases something, even though i can't afford it. i'm fascinated by "the next big thing" (whatever it is). i'm all in, or disinterested. i'm glass half empty and half full all at the same time. i'm a worry wart. if i go shopping and buy four items, i want use/wear all four immediately, at that same time. i'll chat your ear off, if you'll listen. i admire the reserved, thoughtful and observant.

while i don't think anyone should ever change who they are as a person (i'm actually convinced that's completely impossible due to the fact that you'll still know the truth about yourself despite what you tell or show anyone), i do believe in improvements and resolutions and goals and ambitions and dreams...

less for myself, more for others. less complaining, more doing. less baggage, more treasure. less hype, more truth. less couch potato, more exploring. less frowning, more laughing. less questioning, more serendipity. less guilt, more ice cream. less hate, more love.

less is so much more.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

twelve reasons why i'm glad 2012 is over

i know. i know. you're supposed to appreciate each and every day, but that's difficult when things like #ootd on instagram was trending, kanye and kim itemized (kimye? kanim?) and diy projects became the "it" hipster trend (i mean anti-trend. hipsters don't follow trends. whatever). let's be real. who has time for that shit?

i was tre'-inspired to write this post by my most favorite blogger of all time - man repeller. after reading this you might find yourself saying are these 12 things bad, or horribly awesome? i agree. its a fine line. i can only compare this list to that weird kid in elementary school who threw up in class. you wanted so badly to look away, but you just had to peak through your fingers.

take a ride through 2012 one last time with me. then let's all forget these things actually happened.

1. fifty shades of bs: this was on tmr's list too. she's right. if i hear about one more 30 to 50 something year-old woman raving about fifty shades of bullshit i'm going to create an ecard that says "if you  read the fifty shades of grey trilogy and then recommended it to your daughter, you do not have the right to help her with her english homework. ever." can't wait for the cinematic adventure based on this waste-of-paper-book.

2. i'm a dj: everyone in la la land seems to think that being a dj will boost their social clout. nay. "being" a dj is the new "i'm a model/actor." need i say more? being smart, creative, intuitive and belly-hurtin' funny are still higher on my list of male must haves than spinning beats.

3. studded and jaded: don't get me wrong. i love the 80's. i love punk. i love rock. however... raise your hand if you're going to wear those ridiculous studded and rhinestoned loafers/platforms/peter pan collars/bralets/bracelets next fall/winter. that's what i thought.

4. food porn: i don't care what you baked, ate for lunch, made from grandma's ancient recipe book, or what your plate looks like after you ate whatever it is you ate. and neither does anybody else. unless you are a master chef, or your job involves being an awesome cook, keep your sorry meals to yourself. i myself am a victim of this tragic trend.

5. #nofilter: hash tagging on instagram has resulted in all out battle of the babes -- and by babes i mean babies/teeny boppers/youth/the-only-people-with-that-much-time-on-their-hands --  to see who can tag the most unneccessary shit and gain the most spam follower accounts. congrats to you, the youth of  #merica. on the top of my annoying tags list is "#nofilter." by tagging "nofilter" you've successfully let the world know that you didn't have to select one of the awesome filters provided on the insta app. can we fill the hole in the ozone layer now? where are our priorities?

6. "hipster" weddings: thanks to pinterest all of us sad, pathetic and unmarried women can now plan our never-going-to-happen wedding. not only that, but i guarantee all of the women my age who do get married (bitches) will do so in a barn, on a prairie, decorated by succulents, burlap, wildflowers, chalk boards and driftwood. wait. i totally want this for my wedding.

7. the kardashians: i secretly don't want them to go away. sshh.

8. nail art: i'm slightly bitter that this trend took off mostly because i'm a nail bitter. with that being said ladies, your manicure should not cost as much or more than your shoes. hello kitty, rhinestones, bows, confetti and animal prints aren't allowed on your nails, all at the same time. you're freaking the men out.

9. anne hathaway: can she leave already? she bugs.

10. justin timberlake married that bitch: in my eyes jt's only viable options were me or britney circa "baby one more time." my world, and more importantly, my childhood fantasy, ended at that moment. cheers to 2013 and frequent celebrity divorces!

11. speaking of the end of the world...: 2013 will graciously rid my facebook feed of all of those weirdos (most of them my friends) who had to post some sort of status during the month of december 2012 about mayans, the end of the world, zombie apocalypses, etc.

12. mustache mahem: 2012 was the only year that mustaches got women dates. i loved this trend, but its time for it to rip. my vote for the prized body part/accessory of 2013 is the "wenis" (sp?) -- you know, that extra fold of skin you can pull away from the elbow... this is the equivalent to how ridiculous the mustache was for women in 2012.

i've already typed/hand written 2012 instead of 2013 seven times since january 1st.